The remnants of a break up can fester to the point of no return. To avoid this from happening to us, we need to actively move out and move on from a break up. Identifying whether you are still living in a past relationship is step one. Here is 7 obvious things we’d do if we’re still stuck in the past....
By Joshua Devaratnam
" When you reminisce the good old times which stem from where you genuinely think of the good memories both of you shared and have moments to yourself where you are like, “Yeah those were great times we had together” and you feel those emotions bring about healthy sentimental memories as opposed to where you go “Oh man, I will never have times like that with someone else ever again”, I regret this so much!"
I’ve meet people who have said they have moved on but in reality they have not moved on at all. A good gauge of whether you have moved on or not is when you can speak to your ex partner without having the thought of wanting to be together with them again.
Remembering the good times because both of you had good memories as opposed to feeling regretful or being affected by those memories are two very distinct scenarios. Pay close attention to which category you may fit in.
When you reminisce the good ol' times where you genuinely think of the good memories where you are like, “Yeah those were great times we had together” and you feel those emotions bring about healthy sentimental memories as opposed to where you go “Oh man, I will never have times like that with someone else ever again”, I regret this so much! or we had such good times, i don't think i will ever find this elsewhere ever again.... These statements seem positive but they have a negative message attached to it.
The latter shows that you are still very much affected by the past relationship and memories that you have of them makes you think that you will either be unable to find someone else or move on to something better. These memories can sometimes lead you to make irrational decisions like wanting to get back into a previous relationship with them again or you are just stuck in a place where you aren't able to move forward or move on.
"A strong desire to know simply ‘what’s going on’ suggests that you haven’t accepted what’s already happened - the end of your relationship."
Here are few scenarios or a gauge whether you have moved on or not from a past relationship : -
1. Constantly checking their social media page
A few scenarios where you can tell whether you have moved on or not is the fact that you keep checking their social media pages. If you find yourself going ‘just to see’ what they’re up to, who they liked or added this week, or what they’re commenting and posting, these are all signs that you are not over the relationship. A strong desire to know simply ‘what’s going on’ suggests that you haven’t accepted what’s already happened - the end of your relationship.
2. You avoid places you have visited in the past.
Sometimes certain places that you both may have been to in the past, you may avoid fearing that you may bump into them or it just brings back memories. There is a fear or worry that you may see them and things may seem awkward to you. So to avoid all this, you stay away from the places you both have been before.
3. Your reaction when you hear their name.
When someone mentions their name or brings them up, you flinch at the thought of them and immediately your heart starts racing thinking about your former partner. When you hear about them, your first reaction is to speak negatively about them and to make yourself feel better, you continuously keep painting a negative picture of your ex. This too can be an indication that you have not moved on.
4. Comparing your date to an ex.
Another examples of your inability to move on is when you compare your date's to your past relationship. I went on a date with a girl that had not moved on from her past relationship. I could sense that she was comparing me and her ex and I felt that she could not see me for who I was because she was comparing me to her ex. This can be quite a tricky situation so be very aware of this when you go out on date's. Ask yourself whether you accept this person you are dating for who they are or are you comparing him/her to your ex.
5. Unable to step into a new relationship confidently.
Also, when you are unable to step into a new relationship without having doubts or you feel like you cannot take the next step into a relationships with confidence, these are signs that you may not have moved on as well. It is said that a general rule of thumb is that it takes 6 weeks to start feeling better after a breakup. If that much time has passed, and you’re still feeling that you are unable to move on, then this could be a sign that you have not moved on yet.
6. Still thinking that your relationship might work out.
When you think your past relationship will somehow work itself out. This can be dangerous as you will be stuck in very grey area meaning that you will not be able to move forward and at the same time you have this fantasy that both of you are going to be together again.
7. Checking on “how they are doing”
When you constantly check or occasionally check through your mutual friends or family members on “how they are doing”. This could be a sign that under the pretext that you are being inquisitive of their well being, you are merely using this as an excuse to check up on them. By doing this, you still could be harboring feelings for an ex-partner without you realising.
So what are the steps to moving on you may be asking? Well, stay tuned to my next article ladies and gentleman. Have a great day!
Love,
by Joshua Devaratnam
Founder of thecouragecatalogue
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