"Diamonds were once mere stones, but after undergoing tremendous pressure, it turns into the most brilliant gem of all. Be patient and have faith, your shine will come too."
by Sobana Baskaran
“Happy New Year!” Finally the new year! Here comes 2020 bringing with it a new hope, new opportunities for a new beginning.! I can finally catch up with my dreams after years of figuring out what I needed to do.
And I have dreams. Dreams of becoming a full-time performing artist or singing with A.R. Rahman.
Unrealistic as they may be, even a mouse can dream. A dream belongs to you no matter how big.
Alas, life doesn’t always go as beautifully as our dreams. Let me tell you a short story.
"A dream belongs to you no matter how big."
Life is A Constant Storm
In 2013, I began my first job, not as a dancer or singer, sadly, but as a call centre agent at the Inland Revenue Board (IRB).
I took up the job solely because I did not want to be part of the accounting field, afield I majored in.
I always felt I was not the best fit for jobs in the field of accounting and due to some personal issues, I struggled even passing that subject in my final semester.
So, I thought I would never want to regret my whole life doing a job I knew I wasn’t the best fit for.
While working at the call centre, the higher officer was my friend and he encouraged me to apply for an audit position. I laughed at him and said “No way I'm going for it!” But, it did get me thinking about giving it a try. So eventually, I gave it a go.
Surprisingly, the interview was easier than I thought.
At the same time this moment, I was actually working at two different jobs. As well as being a call centre agent, I was also a part-time lecturer for the Certified Technician Accountant course.
I enjoyed every moment working at the call centre and I had the best bosses, but the teaching gig was a disaster.
Let’s face it, someone who hates accounting actually teaching it? That’s just digging my own grave, I know.
But, my finances were a big issue back then and I almost quit my call centre job to support my family.
Since I hadn’t even heard about the audit job at IRB, maybe it was not meant for me and I was planning to quit the current job.
But just then, I received a call and the person on the other end of the line told me I got it the job!
New Season
So a new season began with new bosses and new colleagues. And the fact that these new colleagues of mine all have some sort of experience in the audit field made me feel insecure about mine.
But I was grateful for having the best mentor to guide me. It also really meant that everyone was helping me out and I finally got the gist of the job.
Then a tragedy like no other happened.
My mom passed. This really changed me. I was going through depression and panic attacks. I lost my job due to lack of focus and not being able to hit the KPIs set.
What could I do but smile and say farewell on my last day at the job.
Life went on for years with me trying to figure out what my direction in life was.
By then I had developed a very low self-esteem. I felt punished and lost, like I was locked in a prison, perhaps of my own creation I started work again at another company, but that lasted only six months.
"That every setback is a set up for a a new beginning"
I resigned and joined an oil and gas company. And the trend continued, another termination after one and a half years. I started feeling trauma at the mere mention of accounting.
I felt I was a perfect example of failure.
I did not realise then what I know now, that every setback is a set up for a a new beginning. I enrolled myself in a leadership program that was part of a church.
The course was for the duration of nine months and I couldn’t afford working a full-time job because the course required me attending a certain amount of physical classes.
Little did I know, when I said yes to Him, He gave me a new heart and a new spirit.
The old has gone, the past was buried. I began to see what my purpose was and I started teaching tuition to earn a living while fully committing myself to Him.
I earned RM150 on my first job, He multiplied it till I lacked nothing and most of all, felt peace.
But it’s not all a bed of roses.
Entering the New Year, life seemed to be finally settled as I got a job offer at an international school.
Apparently, the accounting degree I believed was a mistake turned out to be the subject that I like now. I was teaching at a stable job with a fixed monthly income.
All was good until the pandemic hit us all. The school had to undergo major retrenchment and what do you know, I got retrenched too.
There is Hope
But this time, it was different. I no longer felt a failure. I no longer was depressed. I knew that my free time meant I had more time with God and time for self reflection. This all worked out for the glory of His name.
It just so happened that my principal approached me and encouraged me saying, “You did a great job and your insights have always been great. Don’t ever think you were not good enough and that’s why we had to let you go.
This decision was made because the school is undergoing a major crisis. You have so much potential in you so you will prosper wherever you go.” What she told me that day was proof of my growth and healing through God.
"Sometimes the people you meet along the way reflect what God has to say at that moment. "
I know His plans are to prosper me, and I shall hold on and commit my ways to Him. The last 20 days of being unemployed has truly been an amazing opportunity for me to seek Him.
The God who never fails to fulfill all the little things I have asked for, definitely knows the perfect time to give me the best.
Be thankful for every one of your blessings and even the tough times.
Most often, we readily accept blessings from God but start questioning Him when we go through hard times.
"Keep this in mind, a diamond doesn’t look that way until it’s rough exterior is cut multiple times to reveal it’s true beauty."
This journey has taught me that regardless of the abundant blessings we may receive, there still can be dissatisfaction in our life. Such is our human nature! But, if we seek Him and trust that He is our provider then we would never lack anything with peace and joy being at the core of our existence.
By Sobana Baskaran
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