Freedom from Fear

Coming from a family of divorced parents and living with a single parent through different times of my life, fear has been my constant companion. And my biggest fear has always been and continues to be the fear of abandonment.

by Jessica Ann

Many of us, both men or women struggle with fear. The one thing we have in common is the ever lasting doubt or insecurity in many aspects of our lives. These are the thoughts that creep into our minds when we go to sleep at night whether we had a relaxed and rested day or a busy schedule.

Fear can manifest itself through anything and it can exist between family members, your relationship with someone special, your marriage, your friendship, your goals and aspirations, your finances, or even the simplest of tasks say for example a presentation you have to make or even the fear of heights.

What many of us don't realize is that fear stems from elements like;

Doubt - Am I good enough by being prepared to venture out on a specific journey?
Strength - Am I strong enough to face criticism if I made the right call to proceed with my decision?
Acceptance - Am i prepared for failure and can i accept failure when it happens? Do i look for ways to pat myself on the shoulder for trying and continue fueling the fire burning in me to try again?

And this will be my personal testimony to you on how I worked through fear in my life.

"Through a broken marriage, I hit the lowest point of my life. Someone whom I saw as my whole world walked away for reasons I can respect but will never be able to comprehend. And this was the point I realized that all the signs and instincts I ignored from the beginning came to life. "

My Journey

Coming from a family of divorced parents and living with a single parent through different times of my life, fear has been my constant companion. And my biggest fear has always been and continue to be the fear of abandonment. What I didn't realize is that I allowed this fear to be compensated with security from the people I met in this journey of life. I found myself mingling with the wrong kind of friends, or the wrong kind of relationships: ignoring the brutal signs that this will not end well yet staying on just to ensure I would not be abandoned or feel lonely again.

Through a broken marriage, I hit the lowest point of my life. Someone whom I saw as my whole world walked away for reasons I can respect but will never be able to comprehend. And this was the point I realized that all the signs and instincts I ignored from the beginning came to life. This was the point I realized no matter how hard I tried, people will come into my life yet not many will stay. This was the moment in my life I was awaken to my biggest fear; abandonment.

Thankfully, with amazing support and encouragement from family members and wonderful friends I made along the way, I was made to see that fear was a part of me which I had to confront. My goal was to face it courageously and identify why was I letting it control my thoughts, my desires and my life. And this was where I realized through constant prayer and writing on a piece of paper what I couldn't get myself to speak out, I was able to identify what was fueling the fear in me and what i needed to do for it to stop so i could move forward.

Today, I've overcome my biggest battle, abandonment. I've come to realize that being with the right person takes time. Being with the right company of friends takes wisdom. Being bold to say no to negativity takes courage. Being positive when times are bad takes patience. And most importantly, being accepted for who I am, takes love.

"Today, I've overcome my biggest battle, abandonment. I've come to realize that being with the right person takes time. Being with the right company of friends takes wisdom. Being bold to say no to negativity takes courage. Being positive when times are bad takes patience. And most importantly, being accepted for who I am, takes love."

And despite the bitter experience, I saw a silver lining. For from every experience, you gain knowledge and understanding. And wisdom is gained from this knowledge and understanding.

My advice to you if you are feeling any form of fear today whether it's towards someone, through relationships, through the desires and ambitions you have for yourself, confront it!

If you are afraid to do so or you're not sure how to start, turn to God. HE is your best advocate as HE knows you even during times you struggle to know yourself. It does not matter who says what about you or your past, HE knows you best. You have the opportunity to change something about yourself to experience positiveness, love, joy and peace. Open that door that has been shut tightly all these years and come out. Take the first step and see how your courageous walk will bring you to greater heights. Here are some suggestions you may start with to break that chains of fear binding you. Now this is easier said then done but it has worked for me : 1) Identify your Fear - What is it? Be open about it and have a conversation with yourself. List down your fears if you have to on a piece of paper. It will help you. 2) Reasons of Fear - List down every situation, people, experiences that led you to have this fear. Go back to as far as you can, because your memory is your best tool in identifying the root cause. 3) Analyze - Once you have identified and listed down the reasons, your mind will start analyzing every thing you've written down versus the decisions you've made through every scenario in your life. By doing this, it will help you subconsciously come up with an action plan to deal with fear almost immediately. 4) Solution - Now that you've identified the root cause of your problem, think of a solution. If you're struggling with a solution, confide in someone you trust or seek counsel from a mentor for a different perspective. Work together to create a platform so you can start improving. The strongest weapon is through prayer! Communicate and confide in God. For HE will never abandon you!