"Johnny Lee sang “I was lookin' for love in all the wrong places, Lookin' for love in too many faces, searchin' their eyes and lookin' for traces of what I'm dreamin' of…” That’s basically the story of most of our lives, isn’t it. We convince ourselves we don’t need to be in a relationship up until one perfect-looking family portrait pops up on our social media feed then round and round we go on that hamster-wheel of covetousness and self-doubt. Zara writes about how to love oneself to the fullest and finding the greatest Love of all.
by Zara Jayne Marimuthu
“When are you getting married?”
“Har? No husband yet? You’re not getting any younger.”
“Ready for kids?”
These questions and remarks buzz in our ears ever so often, particularly during family reunions. Stares and chatters circulate around the room when you’re still unmarried at a certain age.
The world of social media doesn’t make it any easier.
We scroll through what seems like minutes that turn into hours of staring at ‘perfect’ relationships with #bestlives or #couplegoals.
Posts about our friends getting engaged, married or having children saturate our timelines.
We then start to question why we’ve been single all this while or why some relationships didn’t work out, and the ones that do, we wonder why they stay.
We begin to compare our lives to others, including our relationships with our own partners.
The little demon of self-doubt whispers in your ear, challenging your worth. Then we think we can fill that void with ‘treasure troves’ that do not belong there. Covering them up with fake smiles and I’m okays.
From going on multiple Tinder dates, to sleeping with people we barely know, we crave to feel loved or at least appreciated in any way possible.
Grab a drink and take a breath because this one’s for you. Yes you.
To the one who is still waiting for that right person, who spends their nights pondering on ‘what-ifs’ and ‘what could’ve been,’ there is nothing wrong with you.
It’s absolutely okay if this isn’t meant for you at this point of your life. Instead, use this time to prepare your heart and mind.
Rather than browsing through social media desiring to be someone else or chasing after a particular person, focus on what drives you - your passions, goals and values.
Use this period of your life to fall in love with God first and learn to appreciate yourself a lot more, the bits and pieces that make you who you are today.
Remember essentially your identity and who you are as a person stems from Christ!
Reflect on yourself and discover who you really are and what you want because you can’t expect your partner to figure that out for you.
Do things for yourself at your own pace.
Everyone, and I mean everyone, is on their own journey.
"Your singlehood is not the end of the world. It’s a season for you to flourish so savour that journey even if you stumble along the way."
For those who have gotten your heart shattered into pieces that you don’t bother putting them back together again, I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
I’m sorry no one has shown you what real love looks like.
I’m sorry his or her words were left empty and it meant nothing to you anymore.
I’m sorry that you want nothing to do with relationships, let alone marriage.
I want to let you in on a little secret: There’s a far greater Love that adores you, completes you and understands you.
"He formed you from the dust of the Earth just to show you that He can turn your dirt into a lush forest with a continuous river of joy and peace. "
Fresh water that doesn’t need to be replenished because it’s more than enough for you. You don’t have to hide behind the trees or bury your emotions in the ground.
All you have to do is let that Love in.
Now to the one who already has a significant other, don’t lose yourself.
People say, “I’ve found my other half,” but I’m here to remind you that you are made to be whole. They cannot be your ‘everything’ and neither can you be theirs.
Stop pursuing wholeness from a partner because they will never truly satisfy you and at the end of the day, it is only God that can make you whole.
We are all imperfect, doing the best we can day by day. Make room for each other to grow individually so that you can come together as a stronger unified couple.
We’ve all tasted what we think love is like and then yearn for more of it when there isn’t any left. We dig up the dirt and find it in places that are filled with rubble, picking up the shards of past traumas and burdens from others.
I’m no expert, I’m still learning and am flawed in many ways, but with all my heart I know that we cannot find that level of intimacy in anyone else.
So, don’t worry about what others may say or think. Don’t allow your thoughts and insecurities to rule your life because the greatest of all romance comes from the overwhelming, never-ending, love of God.
His love cannot be fathomed and it’s real, and it’s right there.
Let it seep through the cracks in your heart and mend those scars. Let it brim over so that you can have more love to give than ever before.
Let it quench your thirst because trust me, His love is more than enough.
It’s all we ever need.
by Zara Jayne Marimuthu
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