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" Who is my Mr or Ms Right? - it’s an age-old question, the million-dollar question, if you may. And is there an actual answer to this? Can we ever break through that whole Mars and Jupiter separation and just find ‘THE ONE’? To shed some light on the topic, Leslie writes several practical pointers to take note of. Have a read, be blessed and we'll see you at the wedding!"
by Leslie Aryeh
There is a lot of deep disappointment, unfulfillment and in many cases anger in society today about marriage and what it represents. This is also largely reflected in the high rates of divorce being recorded.
Some people believe that marriage as it is now, is a social construct that is being forced down the throat of people.
This has led to rising numbers of other forms of partnerships such as people living together without any formal definition of their relationship or just referring to each other as partners while others also prefer to go the route of polygamy, polyamory or other similar arrangements.
It is important to clarify that the purpose of this article is not to criticise any of those arrangements but to point out that they are of themselves not the solution to the problems they seek to address.
This frustration has also led to more people being more serious about ensuring that their partner really is "the one" before they commit to marriage.
In my opinion, this societal challenge is in part due to a lack of understanding of the purpose of marriage.
Myles Munroe, a renowned author, pastor and motivational speaker once said, "when the purpose of a thing is not known, it's abuse is inevitable."
It is important to know the purpose of marriage and understand the roles of each partner before one can really answer the question of knowing if another party is the right one.
Marriage has been a part of the human societal construct for centuries and has been used for many purposes including building political alliances and capital, preservation of bloodlines through procreation, building of wealth and multiple other reasons.
At its core, it is the coming together of two individuals to partner with each other to fulfill a life purpose set out by either or both parties or even external parties such as their families or societies.
If it is to fulfill a life purpose, then it stands to reason that that life purpose must be known or one must be in a process of self-discovery. No one knows their life purpose at birth, rather, we could say revelation is acquired through growth and maturity.
As one comes to the knowledge of him or herself, one begins to understand their purpose and that leads to building of strengths, a control of weaknesses and an acquisition of skills to help fulfill this purpose.
If you do not know your purpose and you get into a marriage, you will end up either pouring all of yourself into fulfilling someone else's purpose or stifling your other partner in jealousy or envy through abuse or a lackadaisical approach to life.
So, know yourself and where you are headed, and when you do, you will be able to recognise people who can walk with you on your journey.
It is also a partnership which means both parties are in it to mutually give of themselves and to receive.
As with every human partnership, do not expect perfection from the other party. We are all born in God's image so whomever you partner with will have a reflection of God, however, no human is perfect.
Alain De Botton, a philosopher says in his video "why you will marry the wrong person" to be in company with another person is to be negotiating imperfection every day".
Two of the key ingredients that are needed for any partnership to work are commitment and effective communication.
Both are so key, they probably need a whole article for themselves but suffice it to say that, knowing that people are not perfect means you should be committed to make your partnership work and effective communication will help you articulate your purpose, vision and in most cases help you navigate successfully through conflicts.
Learn to communicate, it will help you articulate your purpose so you can find alignment with the one and when you have found the one, be committed to fight for that partnership.
A willingness to give, to learn and accept feedback and to forgive are traits that mark out anyone as "the one".
Although in my opinion not as critical, there is, however, no denying the power of attraction.
We all are naturally drawn to what we find attractive.
There is a famous saying that "beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder" which is to say that each of us has our own definition of what we find beautiful or attractive.
You are more likely to treat with admiration and care that which you find attractive.
Attraction comes in many forms, sometimes hitting you immediately due to physical features or mental interaction or sometimes growing on you with time.
Again, drawing back to the point of partnership, it must be mutual between both parties.
And again, it is important that you groom yourself in the things that you find attractive, because whatever qualities you are looking for in another, you must first be able to build in yourself to help you know exactly what it is that you are looking for.
If you do not know or have something, it is harder to recognise it in another.
There are two things I need to point out at this juncture; firstly, that these points are not meant to be exhaustive.
Secondly, if you have not realised by now, I never really intended to answer the question "how to know if he or she is the one?" Because I genuinely believe there is not a "one" per se, neither can you take anyone at all as "the one".
In life, the one thing you can control is you. So, you become "the one" by knowing who you are and where you are headed, being ready to give of yourself selflessly and forgive willingly, being committed and communicating effectively and grooming yourself to be attractive.
Once you have done these, you are most likely to find yourself in a space surrounded by like-minded people and there is a high chance that any one of them you choose as a life partner will be a successful match.
Go out and put your best foot forward then. All the best!
by Leslie Aryeh
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