"Pardon the crudeness of the above title. However, one finds it a necessity to place emphasis that you are definitely NOT ____ (fill in the blank with any negative terminology used to degrade yourself as a way to punish your ‘sins’ at work).
by Abigail Nimbalker
This article seeks to challenge the jaded perception of yourself, the work you do and your bosses and peers at the workplace (this applies if all you are seeing right now is a half empty glass).
It is really difficult at times to be vulnerable in an industry or workplace that promotes the “dog-eat-dog” mentality.
It is also difficult to try to gain guidance on how to further your growth in places that uphold the traditional training methodology of throwing your child in the pool and watch them sink or swim.
What is worse is the difficulty we go through in scraping off the negative comments and self-hating thoughts we sometimes generate when we fall below the bar we set for ourselves.
However, one finds that the easiest way to get through some of these difficult times is to adopt a change of mindset. Alternatively, to look through a different lens and instead, this time see the glass half full.
The bar you set – too high or too low?
The toughest part about first joining the workforce in any industry for that matter is the probation period.
Why? Simple.
When you first join, you are bright eyed and bushy tailed, only expecting the best to happen to you.
You are excited, motivated and unstoppable. Nothing can rain on your parade as of this moment!
Then, reality sets in. Your first tasks are not the tasks you expect.
Sometimes, you may feel like they are beneath you. Others, you may feel like they are far beyond your level.
Both of these situations challenge your thoughts on the bar you have set for yourself. You start asking one of these two questions: “Have I overestimated myself?” or “Have I underestimated myself?”
When expecting to be entrusted with more, but given less, you can’t help but eventually believe that that is perhaps all you are good for.
When expecting to start from ground zero but given more, you can’t help but feel inadequate and incapable.
After going through two types of jobs in two very different fields, I have been on both ends.
When feeling like I have severely overestimated myself, it is difficult to snap out of that mindset of “this is probably all I have to offer”.
Funny thing is, despite a part of you wanting to accept that as the truth, another part of you fights back, believing that cannot be the whole truth.
At that point, I tend to just let myself go with the former part of how it is true that I do not have anything more to offer.
Once allowing myself to just go through the motions, I realise that what I have accepted is a half-truth.
Yes. It is true that at this point this may be all I have to offer.
But, I realise that I have a decision on whether I can stay at this level or I can keep trying and learning to graduate to another level.
This realisation allows me to then accept the other half-truth being, there is potential within me and I am yet to unlock it.
Now, when feeling like you have underestimated yourself, you tend to immediately feel nervous and overwhelmed.
Instead of thinking you can’t do it and trying to find ways to remove this task from your hands and drop it into another’s, take a deep breath, relax and revisit the task you have been given.
It always helps when you break down an ‘impossible’ task and make it ‘possible’ for you.
I also tend to say aloud on repeat that, “I can do this” whenever my thoughts tend to say, “I cannot”.
Again, we accept a half-truth in this situation: “I cannot do this”.
While this may be true, the other side of the coin is that, “I can learn to do this and eventually do better”. Don’t be so quick to underestimate what you can actually do.
"I have realised that each of us have the ability to command our will to go beyond what our mind thinks it is limited to doing."
Thanks to some of my bosses and mentors I have realised that each of us have the ability to command our will to go beyond what our mind thinks it is limited to doing.
When you accept that, you can’t help but allow yourself to keep learning and keep trying, you will one day be surprised at how much you can accomplish.
I strongly believe that each individual has a potential that is just waiting to be unlocked.
So many times we hide it from people thinking that is what humility is. But it is not.
Don’t be afraid of tough jobs, but be motivated knowing that if you accomplish it, you will finally be able to get to that level you have always been dreaming of but have been refusing to work towards, because you were so afraid you will fail.
The task in front of you - Why am I doing this?
The task given to you on your first day or your first few months of probation can sometimes be a real pain.
It could be from the aspect of the type of work, as discussed earlier - is it too small or too big for you to handle? Or it could be from the aspect of the load of work - is it too little or too much?
Whatever it may be, for most probation's, it will feel like hell.
The amount of pressure you feel originates from basically the fact that you need to prove that you are indeed fit for the job.
"When the job is too small or too little, you can’t help but ask yourself, “is this all they think I can do?” or “do they think I am not going to make it?” When the job is too big or too much, you can’t help but ask yourself, “is this normal or are they just bullying me?” or “are they trying to get me to leave?”
If it is a combination of the two, well just combine the questions derived from the above two situations and you will have a resemblance of what the effects of the combination of the two are.
Firstly, I had to learn this the hard way, but honey, you got to stop overthinking.
You passed your interview out of the many applicants that applied for the job, you made it.
Give yourself some credit. You do have what it takes!
Next, don’t let the type of work or the amount of work distract you from your main focus: you are here to secure a job.
Sometimes we get so caught up in trying to decipher what our bosses or what the company is thinking, so we can gauge expectations.
Do we prepare ourselves to be booted out or do we prepare ourselves to be confirmed?
Either way, you are definitely not going to get it by trying to play Sherlock just by looking at the type or amount of tasks given to you.
You and I both know that on its own it is not sufficient evidence to amount to any sort of finding. Finally, don’t let the fear losing your job before you end your probation or once your probation has ended get to you.
Whether or not you lose the job is secondary. Don’t be distracted by that.
What you need to focus on is this - whether I leave or stay, I want to be able to do so with no regrets. So go all out, don’t hold back and get the job done. Do it to the best of your ability.
The boss above you – Am I doing okay?
I recently had a few conversations with my mates on the different types of bosses in the working world, the ones we hate and the ones we love (maybe hate and love are both too strong a word to use but let’s just keep it here for added spice to the content).
During the probation period, you tend to see a different side to the boss you work for than from that you have seen during the interview.
Sometimes we see a hard taskmaster, other times we see a nurturing teacher.
Depending on who your boss actually is, the new found personalities or characteristics will differ from person to person.
However, it is probably safe to say that most bosses are hard taskmasters. Being praised for the good you do at your workplace is not really the thing that happens most of the time.
More often than not, your weaknesses, mistakes and failures are constantly being pointed out to you.
"One of my friends aptly described that situation in this manner, “I may have done 99 good things in that project and no one cares. Nothing nice ever comes out from them anyway”.
Having experienced this situation more than once, I realised that looking at things from that perspective does more harm to me than good.
In fact, the quality of work I produce thereafter starts to dwindle. It causes me to feel less motivated, less interested and less willing to learn to do better.
We cannot deny that our boss’s impression and validation of us feels important especially during the probation period.
Why?
Well, they are after all the ones evaluating us to see if we are not only a good fit for the job but also for their company. Thus, one can’t help but question if we are good enough for them.
The alternative perspective one should instead adopt is the following:
(1) when substantial work is given to you, this is because they trust you can do it;
(2) when they scold you or negatively criticise you for something so small, it is because they know you can do better; and
(3) when they push you to do the task within a short frame of time, it is because they are growing your capacity to function better under pressure.
Don’t take what they are saying or doing to you personally.
Remember that it is never about you but everything about the job at hand. Something I always live by is it is better to be scolded for something, no matter how small, before the job is handed over to the client.
I rather the mistake be something that can be undone than one that I hid out of fear causing irreversible consequences. The latter, I don’t think I need to tell you, actually does more harm to the integrity of your work than good.
Besides that, know that your source of validation should never be your boss. I think you and I both know how unsustainable or unstable that source may be.
Know that in the end what matters is what you think about yourself.
Always do your best in every task handed to you.
So no matter the outcome, there will be no regrets. A wise man once told me, “Take pride in what you do”.
Whenever, I think about that and work according to that motto, it helps me push myself to do better. When I just can’t, it gives me the confidence to admit my shortcomings to my superiors, thus, helping them gauge their expectations and to help them in a way help me.
"Whenever you finish a task, think back to everything you have done so far to get this product. Then ask yourself, am I proud of what I have done."
If you are, hold on to it and walk into that room with your draft or send that email with a proud smile on your face. Whatever they may think, take the criticisms that help you do better, dispose of the comments that make you feel inferior or degraded.
Then, move on and try again.
What you think of you and the work you produce are far more important than what anyone else thinks.
If you have done a really good job and still doubt yourself, then you need to change that mindset.
Compliments are hard to come by and if you are naturally hard with yourself, then, embrace the comments that help you see yourself as better and believe that it is true! Because, trust me, most of the time, these compliments are definitely true!
Conclusion
In a nutshell, I would just like to remind you that there are always going to be different ways to look at your current situation at work.
When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.
The tough will adopt or grasp any means necessary to ensure their survival.
If one of the ways of doing this is to look at your given situation through a different lens, then do it.
The frustration, anxiety and discouragement you may be feeling is valid, my dear friend.
However, though the struggle is real, know that there will be better days. Don’t just settle for the half-truths, don’t make your boss your source of validation and don’t overthink, caving into the fear that you are going to lose your job every second of the day. In the end, just keep telling yourself, “I am NOT s**t”.
By Abigail Nimbalker
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