It was in 2011, I first saw the severity of what addiction to internet pornography could do to myself, my manhood, my marriage, my family, my social relationships and my job.
by Samuel James Sivanathan
That’s exactly it – recovery is not just an end result; it is a journey to becoming what you were designed for originally. So, therefore overcoming an #addiction it is not just to recover but to have a tenacious lifestyle of recovering from what seem to be so good at first but end up destroying the #addict.
It was in 2011, I first saw the severity of what addiction to internet pornography could do to myself, my manhood, my marriage, my family, my social relationships and my job. Not that there was lack of knowledge of its destruction pattern. But it was the hook it had on you – a vicious cycle that starts with curiosity, viewing the desired, fantasizing and masturbation. I needed help but I was not asking because I thought I could handle it myself. The outcome? I failed many times over. This is the reality - you are not designed to end your life as a failure. But you are designed to fail as many times, before the end of your life. Big difference. I even moved industries and jobs this year, thinking it will help me end my addiction. However, it never seemed to.
"I needed help but I was not asking because I thought I could handle it myself. The outcome? I failed many times over."
My family (wife and kids) and me made a big move to another church. We are Christians and church hopping is not typical in Malaysian church culture. It was in this new place, I found friends who could help. Friends who are struggling likewise but are either overcoming a peculiar visual addiction or have overcome it. I still have not made the move to seek help. Something happened in 2014, this new church that we are attending now,
introduced a new and solid men’s program.
We started with a small group of 13 men hoping to find recovery in this battle with sexual and visual addiction ourselves. It is so vital, crucial to have community support in this war against addiction. We grew from helping ourselves to serving about a hundred twenty men each year between 2014 to 2018. To know that 600 men received their freedom is most satisfying to experience.
In those 5 years, while seeing other men (‘brothers’ as we refer them) break free from the mental bondage of sexually damaging behaviors (e.g. multiple intercourse partners and pornography), we had to fight our own demons. Remember, we are still recovering. It’s a battle that we fight every single day. A battle that’s worth the fight and worth to fight for.
Today I am able to pick a call to one of my ‘brothers’ or group text message to 3 or 4 of them; one, to hold me in the Christian tradition of prayer and two, to hold me accountable to a personal lapse of being porn free. It’s not about watching pornography for
12 hours today and not at all for the next one week, just to fall flat again the week after repeating the vicious cycle. It’s about a group of dedicated men saving ourselves during some very difficult moments of temptation. It’s about being accountable in reducing the hours spent, like “Guys, I watched 3 hours of porn yesterday and today I am dropping it to 2. Tomorrow, I am aiming for 1 hour.”
"Today I am able to pick a call to one of my ‘brothers’ or group text message to 3 or 4 of them; one, to hold me in the Christian tradition of prayer and two, to hold me accountable to a personal lapse of being porn free"
In this manner, we are directly engaging in our neuroplasticity related scientific activities, as what the mind creates (addiction), only the mind can destroy (freedom). But this time around, it’s with the help of an accountable and vulnerable community of victors and almost victors. So, what did this freedom do to myself, my manhood, my marriage, my family, my social relationships and my job.
Everything that I needed! Everything that I lost came back to me and every ounce of prosperity that was stolen because of my unproductive time spent in an addictive lifestyle, was returned, a hundred-fold. I can now say that I am an ex-porn addict; boldly and sufficiently.
Do I still struggle? Yes, but very, very little these days because I have learned to put to death what needs to and resurrect to life what needed to. I have my brothers to back me up, but I also have what I call the 5 lifelong and life-changing sanctification steps :
1) Check Distraction – what is distracting you? And who is distracting you these days? This is always the portal of exchange when we feel low and entitled as men – we allow distractions to nurse the wound or pain.
2) Check Familiarity – what are you so familiar with and know too much? Have I lost the ability to communicate without bragging to good friends who love me regardless? Be the learner of new things and old things. Be also an ‘unlearner’ of things that you hold on to but has reduced you to rubbles. Do away with those life lessons that rejects others. Make friends with the unfriended, the unfamiliar and with what we inaccurately label as ‘weird’.
3) Check Imprints - let’s take a windy example – you father purchased the family’s first new car, but he had trouble financing it and got the funds from illegal sources. You grew up seeing how these loan sharks harassed your father and the family. As an adult you will narrate that all money lenders including the legal banks around, are all after your wealth. Such poor impressions come from early imprints. We could list down a long list on these imprints and get help on removing this one by one.
4) Check Identity – what you do, your skillsets, your talents, your job, your family line, your spouse, your children, your education and your money DO NOT give you your life’s identity. In Christianity (if I may), our sole identity is being Sons and Daughters to our Creator.
5) Check Rebellion – who are you constantly hating and fighting? What are you constantly hating and fighting? What are you supposed to be constantly hating and fighting e.g. the porn addiction that is destroying so many lives? Shouldn’t we consider those who are tragically (directly or indirectly) involved in the global pornographic film industry. It’s time to make that switch.
Its time to ask for help and time to make that change in this new decade. The world needs us – Strong Men!
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by Samuel James Sivanathan
About the Article Contributor:
Samuel James Sivanathan is a regional manager for a global non-profit organization, a firm he has been with for a year now. Prior to this, he was involved with the Malaysian international and private schools for 8 years; serving in the capacities of a vice principal and teacher. He and his wife have 4 children between the ages of 5 to 14. Samuel is passionate to see men rise up to take on their lost places of leadership and authority in a world that’s in dire need of great men, more than any part of history. He experienced this great need for men to step up as the Builders and Building Blocks of the World while serving in his home church in the men’s program between 2014 – 2018, the half-decade which he calls the poignant moment of his life.
He and Josh Dee (Joshua Devaratnam) have been friends for more than 3 years now and are key collaborators in empowering people across the nation of Malaysia.
From Porn to Prosperity: A Brief Untold Story of Recovery ‘the Recovering’
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