"It may be a topic that makes you a little uncomfortable, but it is about time we know about it. The author, Samuel James, brilliantly points out sexual struggles that we may be facing and practical ways to combat these struggles. Whether you are struggling or not, this is definitely a good and beneficial read for all."
by Samuel James
The first thing that got your attention to exploring this article was nothing else but when you read ‘S-E-X’ in the headers.
So now, since I’ve got your focus, I am going to bless you with some keys to life as a male.
You may probably already know what ‘Leadership’ is, extensively and living in an era where online teaching and learning is 110% or more.
But what is ‘Sexual Leadership’?
Now, man has been designed to take lead, whether in large capacities or unknown capacities.
Men lead not out of arrogance but out of design.
If as a barista, your job is to make coffee, then your leadership is not limited to making coffee alone but also to provide good coffee.
Let’s take another example.
If you are a father, your job is not limited to providing finances and leaving it in the hands of your wife. But rather to sit with her, discuss and make the best use of the finances for the whole family.
There you go, a free one-liner lesson on ‘financial leadership’ (I thought I will just throw that one in for free).
What about sexual leadership then?
"It is not about just dealing with our constant sex drive but how best to fulfill that need in us and the one benefitting from our fulfillment. We should never be ashamed of the fact that we men think of sex all the time. What separates us from being sexually right or sexually wrong is this question – how am I thinking sexually? "
Leadership involves tenacity, commitment and vision.
Sexual leadership involves tenacity, commitment and vision.
No difference at all.
When we apply leadership principles, that breathe and live tenacity, commitment and vision, in areas of our leadership, then we will see a healthy pattern beginning to form.
Tenacity, commitment and vision will and always will create patterns. Now, let’s move into our life’s time capsule.
YOUR PAST
Let’s assume that our sexual past is not the best.
We men, young or old, are capable of manipulation and creating spaces to take full sexual advantage of what is available to us.
It could be a porn addiction or multiple sexual partners or visits to spa-like brothels.
But what we don’t realise is this – there is leadership here.
You may say it is not leadership but let’s have a look, shall we? There was tenacity, there was commitment and there was vision - all via leadership but one that led to self-destruction.
With or without a revelation, if you understood your tenacity, your commitment and your vision, then you will understand how to shift this to a healthier mental pathway.
YOUR PRESENT
Before you declare to yourself “I am ok, I am good, I am not like that, I know someone else is…”, do yourself a favor and ask yourself this question: “How have I been behaving sexually in the present days?”
Conduct a self-check on your emotional inventory. Here are some good self-check questions (a short list to begin with):
1) Do I flirt with women whom I just met?
2) Do I have a group of female friends that I regularly engage in sexual bantering?
3) Do I fantasize about any female (except for your wife) in any explicit way e.g. having intercourse?
4) Do I always feel the need to seek material that is erotic or pornographic in nature?
5) Do I have withdrawals symptoms if I don’t get access to these material e.g. anxiety, stress-biting finger nails, have fits of rage etc
6) Do I masturbate numerous times a day or a week?
7) Do I enjoy the idea of manhood as someone with many sexual exploits e.g. multiple sex partners and being with prostitutes?
If you said yes to even one of the above seven questions, your past is not only holding your present but is also setting a decisive canvas for your future.
This article is never intended to discriminate against anyone who is struggling or broken sexually, but solely to help. FIRST - Remove the drug that is awakening the sexual monster in us by fleeing away from any environment that is sexually damaging.
What are you watching? Who are your friends?
SECOND – Kill what needs to be killed. Evaluate your current sexual leadership.
Which area of sexual tenacity do you have most? Do you run to any new exotic outlet for hookups the moment certain friends share about it?
Kill that tenacity that is causing that adrenaline rush. Which area are you sexually committed to? If you are married, how much of marriage time do you spend with your spouse versus how much of ‘marriage time’ (illegal, that is) do you spend with someone who is not your spouse?
At this point, you need to ask yourself why are you even calculating the time you spend with someone who is not your spouse?
Kill that commitment to the other. What vision do you have for your current sexual life?
If your desire includes being a Casanova that has a vicious target of deflowering every virgin that lives in your suburb, kill that vision.
YOUR FUTURE
"Who are you accountable to, in regards, of your sexuality?"
In the Christian context, some of us have close male friends from Church to whom we are accountable to. Now to start 2021 right, sexually, make a life-changing, replacement plan by listing down your new sexual vision, sexual commitment and sexual tenacity. Here is an example:
My Sexual Vision for the Decade of 2021 – 2030 :
to be devoted to a single sex partner (my wife) for life OR
to see my sons develop into healthy teenage boys / young men by being an example myself
My Sexual Commitment for Annual Year 2021:
to be a man that has self-control OR to keep myself free from porn, prostitution OR
to be a man who speaks politely to women even if they initiate sexual banters.
My Sexual Tenacity for Quarter 1 (Jan-Mar) 2021:
to find new friends who I can be accountable to and reduce friends who are sexually toxic OR
buy and read three books on experiencing healthy male sexuality.
No matter where you are in this journey - struggling terribly or enjoying every bit of freedom you have now - don’t take anything for granted.
Please plan and get in touch with friends who you can talk these things to and do life with!
You never walk alone!
by Samuel James