"At one point or another, we have all been through this. Whether it’s a friend, love interest or family member, someone has ghosted us. But what if this frustrating method people use to get away from giving a clear “yes” or “no”? This week’s article is all about the ghosting way and perhaps a call for its end."
by Jassheena Christopher
A: Hi, I really enjoyed dinner tonight. Shall we grab coffee again sometime? B: ….
Next Day
A: Hey, think you may have slept off. I just wanted to let you know that I had a great time with you yesterday - would love to see you again. Are you free tonight?
B: ….
An Hour Later
A: Hey, sorry - did I upset you or something? You’ve left me on read.
B: ….
B: <you have been blocked>
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Does the scenario above feel familiar? Have you been either “A” or “B”? It sucks to be both, doesn’t it? For those of you who are not familiar with this situation, it is commonly known as “ghosting” - which simply means someone who suddenly stops responding to the other person with no apparent reason.
This is also known as the act of leaving the other person hanging without any form of closure.
The urban definition of ghosting came into existence in the 2000s and it was primarily used to describe scenarios in romantic relationships (or dating) but now it can range anywhere from romantic relationships to platonic friendships to family or even work.
For some, ghosting is just another way of life. We can sit around to debate whether ghosting is bad or good but the outcome is inconclusive for the simple reason that my version of the truth may not necessarily be yours
We are surrounded by tonnes of people who are going to justify both “A” and “B”. Some might say, “A deserved it”, another may say “I developed emotional trauma from being ghosted”. Again, both versions of the truth are different, but valid. Let’s have a look at both these versions separately. The Ghosted (a.k.a “A”)
I have been ghosted so many times by guys whom I have asked out on dates or even by family members whom I have reached out to for help.
And when I get ghosted, the first thing I feel is instant frustration. Frustrated that they are not responding to me anymore. Slowly I progress to being sad - sad that they do not feel I am important enough in their lives to respond to.
And then the big feeling kicks in - shame.
I end up feeling so ashamed that I was the one pursuing a conversation with them when they did not feel the same way about me.
This gets worse, because I then push myself into a self doubting-never ending-depressive state of mind. The question that lingers is why? Why? WHY?
It would take some amount of time for me to recuperate, regain my confidence and hold my head up high. It is not easy, but rest assured, we will all get there at some point.
The Ghoster (a.k.a “B”)
More often than not, you can be both The Ghosted and The Ghoster.
I know what you’re thinking - what goes around, comes right back around (cue Justin Timberlake). Most times it does.
I have ghosted guys who are nice when they are either not my “type” or when I do not see the conversation going anywhere.
"I do not want to be rude or hurt their feelings so I just keep quiet and I ghost them in hopes they will get the message."
Now, many of you may be wondering, what about those people who drop you lewd messages via DM?
See, that is the difference, ghosting is not ignoring a stranger, it is ignoring someone you have had a proper conversation with when you decide it is not going anywhere.
For those of you who get lewd DMs - ignorance is bliss. The key is to “BLOCK & MOVE ON”.
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Coming back to the overview of ghosting, both The Ghosted and The Ghoster have different justifications, but the fundamental problem is the same - zero communication.
"Ghosting is essentially the love child of assumption and poor communication. "
If you dig deeper, you will come to realise that had both parties been clear about their expectations, or their feelings for each other, the term ghosting and the act of it would cease to exist.
I have come to a stage in life where I believe that ghosting is unhealthy because it breaks people emotionally, mentally, and sometimes physically.
I, for one, am personally trying to learn from it. It is easier to rip the band-aid off and tell a person politely that “Hey, this is not what I’m looking for” or “Hey, this is making me uncomfortable”, rather than leave them on “Read” or blue-ticked.
"Ultimately, I remind myself to “Do unto others as you would have them do to you” - Matthew 7:12
If you want to have closure, then ask for it. Because when it comes to a point of time in life when you need closure, you would also hope to be given the same.
Communication - it’s one of the greatest gifts given to humans. Let’s use it.
By Jassheena Christopher
About The Author :
I'm a HR person by day, a Netflix documentary binge watcher by night. A coffee addict, a dog mom and I think pineapples should be on pizzas.
I enjoy putting a smile on anyone's face and find great satisfaction in providing a helping hand or ear to anyone in need - as much as possible. I have very strong beliefs when it comes to doing the right thing, being honest and standing up for what I believe in.
Also, I don't think Men are for Mars, and Women are from Venus - we're all from Earth and we're all unequally equal.
Also, I'm funny (sometimes).
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