"Have you been in one bad relationship after another, and you feel trapped in the cycle? Coz if the relationship ends, then “who could ever want me?” When you are in a bad relationship, you go through changes - coping mechanisms. Before you know it, you have lost everything you love about yourself. Our author this week, Darlene, writes about her relationship experiences, good and toxic."
by Darlene Jayatilleke
Have you ever looked through social media, seen all your friends in such loving relationships and wondered why it never happened for you? Have you ever thought about why even though you prayed so hard for it, that someone special never turned up?
Well, sometimes God says yes by saying no.
Let me share my story.
I’ve been in my fair share of relationships. Some went quite well but had to end for reasons beyond our control, most of it ended quite badly; but when it did end, there was a sense of relief that washed over me. I think sometimes, we stay in toxic relationships just because we do not want to be alone.
There is one relationship experience that still sticks with me till today. We met online. I stayed in that relationship for two years. It was a long distance relationship so both of us travelled to meet each other, whenever we could - him more than me.
A few months into the relationship, we attended a wedding together. He happened to leave his phone behind and just then, a text message came in. I happened to take a glance at it and I was stricken. It was a very inappropriate message from a girl. Uncaring of the consequences, I opened that text, saw the exchange and was appalled. I mean, this is a guy I thought loved me. When I confronted him about it, however, he said it was nothing. He explained and justified it saying if I did not mean anything to him, then he would not introduce me to his family and friends. I accepted that reason and let that situation slide, but something still felt very wrong.
Over the next year, situations like these kept happening. I did not understand why I was so blinded by “love”. I thought, “But I prayed for this? Isn’t this relationship what God wants for me? But I’m already turning 27 and all my friends are in relationships. Sometimes they go through this right? Not all relationships are meant to be perfect”.
I tried reasoning with myself, making excuses for the terrible flaws in the relationship. In short, I was blinding myself, even more.
"I realise now, how different I was in that relationship. I was always angry, I was always paranoid. I never liked letting him leave my sight. He was always posting on social media but never including me and that made me even more paranoid. He was always busy on his phone."
Despite it all, I kept praying. I finally got to the point where I actually told God if it is not meant to be, help me find the strength to walk away. and I did. It took me a while to completely leave, but with a lot of help and support from my family, friends and inner strength I found, I finally managed to.
I realise now how much I am NOT alone.
Jesus is always there and He is always listening.
I left each relationship stronger, wiser, more self-assured that I deserved better and that I should have someone who puts in just as much into the relationship as I do. A relationship should never be 50-50 but instead a 100% in from both.
I am delighted to tell you now that I am in a relationship vastly different from any I have been in before. How do I know this is different? It is in the way I feel. I am no longer that paranoid, angry person but, more confident, more self-assured and at peace with myself. On my bad mental-health days, he is there to support me and remind me that I am more than enough and vice-versa.
I wouldn’t say that we are in a perfect relationship but one thing is for sure, we are BOTH 100% invested in it.
"If you feel that your relationship right now is toxic, plain and simple, keep praying about it. The power of prayer is like none other."
I know it is not easy. It is not easy feeling like if this is not it, then you will be left alone.
Just remember - you are NOT alone. Jesus is there with you and He loves you, more than any man could. He will not forsake you. He wants you to be loved by your special someone just as much as He loves you. The waiting period can be difficult at times, but don't settle just because you are weary my dear friend. Stay close to Jesus and when the time is right, what is meant to be will happen.
Sometimes He says “yes” by saying “no.”
by Darlene Jayatilleke
- Darlene recently did a podcast with us on How to Deal with Anxiety. She shared her personal story with us.. If you would like to listen to it, you can click on this link ( https://www.thecouragecatalogue.com/courage-talks)
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