"...makes you a frickin superhero, amirite? Words, are just that, until you decide what to do with them. You can either let them drive you to the ground or build you up to be the Burj! Jessica Ann highlights several reasons why we need to learn the art of accepting feedback, even if it is negative. Let’s jump in!."
by Jessica Ann
One of the most common reactions to anyone giving us feedback, or constructive criticism, is usually a defensive one.
We often tend to focus only on the surface of the matter of concern rather than to try and figure out the root of the comment provided with calmness and appreciation, especially if said comment includes a critical point of view.
It takes a lot of maturity and grace to be able to focus on self-improvement and listen to someone’s not-always-positive opinion about ourselves.
Instead, most times, we shoot the messenger.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that every criticism is an opportunity to learn or that every negative comment is right.
"Sometimes, comments and feedback are provided with malice or a destructive agenda"
I get it!
And we can’t have everyone aligning to the same things at the same time.
The world will be a very boring place to live in if everyone thought the same way.
This article will focus more on the art of accepting criticism, whether it’s a common trait that has been confided to you by more than one individual, someone close or even a trusted individual.
Most times, when a criticism is shared to a recipient, it is expected to be met with denial, defense or sometimes, even an aggressively negative reaction.
Some get hurt or angry.
The art of receiving criticism is often more difficult to cultivate compared to giving criticism.
How do you keep criticism from undermining your confidence?
Stop Your First Reaction that Comes into Mind
Easier said than done right? If your first reaction is to lash out or fight back in the middle of a sentence being said by someone to you, hold it back and listen first.
Give the individual the opportunity to share what they’re feeling.
For example, I’ll let a critical email sit in my inbox for at least an hour before replying.
Or I’ll walk away from someone who had just passed a remark at me instead of immediately retorting with something I’ll regret later.
That “cooling off” time allows me to give it a little more thought beyond my initial reaction.
It allows logic to step in, past the emotion.
Turn the Negative into Positive
Sometimes, we don’t realise the negativity in us until someone points it out, especially if it comes from someone you trust that will look out for us.
Digest the information and think back to analyze what are the traits or situations that have caused you to be negative.
A walk down a certain memory lane can bring back identification to understand the root-cause of a behavior.
Sometimes it’s just someone having a bad day, but many times there’s at least a grain of truth in the criticism.
See it as an opportunity to improve — and without that constant improvement, we are just sitting still. Improvement is a good thing.
Thank your Critic
More often than not, we shoot someone down when they share criticism towards our behavior or actions.
Even if someone is harsh or rude, thank them anyway.
And even if the critic doesn’t take your “thank you” in a good way, it’s still good to do — for yourself.
It’s a way of reminding yourself that the criticism was a good thing for you, a way of keeping yourself humble.
How do you stay above the attacks and be the better person?
By removing yourself from the criticism and looking only at the actions criticised - by focusing on the positive in the criticism and trying to improve.
By thanking the critic. And by responding with a positive attitude.
Learn and Develop a Better Version of Yourself
Accept that changes don’t always result in a bad outcome.
"If you can rise above the petty insults and attacks, and respond in a calm and positive manner to the meat of the criticism, you will be the better person."
And yet, while criticism can be taken as hurtful and demoralising, it can also be viewed in a positive way: it is honesty, and it can spur us to do better. It’s an opportunity to improve.
by Jessica Ann
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